Mar 27

Thinking About You

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about me. Not in a narcissistic sense but in a sense of evaluation seeking to understand why I am the way I am. I want to be better for the people around me.

I want to be the kind of person that others want to be around. When I encounter someone I want to be a source of encouragement not a source of discouragement or frustration. The most important person I need to think about it my wife. I need to consider her above all others. How does she see me? What am I giving to her when I finally do get to see her.

Our life with four kids is extremely busy and complicated with work, school, church, and other extras we have been spread thin and have not been able to spend much time together. So I need to make that time count. I need to make sure that she is getting the best me. That’s where this route comes in.

When I choose to think negative about myself because of my failures or bad encounters of the day then she will experience a bad me. It is only normal to take our experiences and process them but sometimes this processing can lead to the voice in our head leaving us down and broken. When we come down and broken we need someone to fix us. And to honest our spouses don’t have the time or emotional energy to fix us. That’s not what love is about.

On the other hand if I choose to not allow the negative experiences or thoughts in my mind to turn on me, then I can be a better version of myself for my spouse. Many of these negative thoughts come from the soundtrack the world is playing on repeat. If we can drown it out and change the sound track we will come out with a different mindset.

That’s why Paul says in Romans 12:2 “do not be conformed to this word, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

We can easily become distracted or conformed to this world by listening to the soundtrack of the world. However when we take the time to renew our minds in God’s word, His voice will drown out the noise of the world.

Feb 21

Men – What are you thinking?

Men.

If you are like me you are stubborn, a creature of habit, and have a problem with pride. As I write those words I don’t think there is anything wrong with those characteristics necessarily except they can cause you to be selfish, immovable, and want your own way. These can be barriers in relationships. 

Any good relationship takes time and intentional effort. Relationships that don’t receive the time and attention needed can drift and be unhealthy. I don’t want that in any of my relationships. Especially my marriage. 

What does it take to have a good marriage?

It takes work. And if you are willing follow me for a moment. 

What do you think about your marriage? Where do those thoughts come from? Do they come from societies view on marriage? Do they come from examples you saw in your parents or grandparents? 

Our preconceptions about marriage come from somewhere and they are not always bad. But for some they can be damaging. They can lead you to toxic thoughts about your spouse or what marriage is supposed to be. Even when we don’t mean too. 

Our thoughts have a mind of their own. In fact a lot of the time they are on auto pilot. We don’t know how we got to thinking about the things we think about and even occasionally an inappropriate thought will show up. We didn’t go looking for it and we don’t know how it got there. Our thoughts really can have a mind of their own.  

If you have ever been a victim of this mind roller-coaster I want you to know there is hope. The Bible gives clear instructions and commands to help us win the battle of our thoughts before they run away. 

2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2

  1. Do not conform to this worlds ways. Your thought patterns ,your words, or your actions. Because it is unclean and unholy.
    1. To conform means to form to a mold, for example following the worlds ways and ideas that are contrary to God’s Word. 
  2. Instead be transformed or changed by renewing your mind with God’s word. As you renew your mind you are stronger and know what to think about things of this world. How to respond to affliction and difficult situations, etc…
  3. When trials or questions come up because you know God’s Word it will be easier to make your stand for faith and the right or good acceptable and perfect, decision.   

3 For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. 5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, 

2 Corinthians 10:3-5

  1. We need to remember that we are battling forces we cannot see. 
  2. The influences of this world pull us in every direction but what is right. 
  3. We do have the power in Jesus to stay with the truth. 
  4. So we take captive bad thoughts, and replace them with truth from God’s word. 

Next time you find yourself thinking in the wrong direction. I hope this helps you steer your thoughts in the right direction. I know it helps me!

Feb 14

Love is…

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I cannot help but reflect on the love passage on Valentine’s Day. It is a passage that does say a lot about love. It speaks to the qualities that define love and to the type of character a loving person should have.

In addition to the passage above I wanted to list three things that I have been learning and praying through for myself. I have been reading books, articles, and attending marriage focused events and these points have stood out to me, probably because they are where I need the most work and growth in my life.

Work on the one in the circle.

This one will hit you right between the eyes. If I am honest, I think that my ways are the best ways and that most of the time if there is a problem then it is the “other” person’s fault. This reminds me that I do not have the power to change anyone but myself. I should submit myself to God and allow Him to work in me and show me the areas I need to improve.

work on yourself

Fill your house with gratitude.

Our society is very cynical, and it carries over into our homes. I snap back insensitive comments and hurtful corrections when accidents happen, or something is off. This does not give my home the “warm and fuzzy” feelings that I want. Instead, it breeds negative attitudes and bad behaviors.

I need to be thankful for the people in my house. I am thankful, but I am not good at saying or showing it. I need to speak words of gratitude and positive reinforcement to my kids and spouse. When I do this I begin to see a change in the mood of everyone in my home.

gratitude

Be a servant and cheerleader.

If marriage show me anything it shows me just how selfish I am and how far I have to go. Choosing to be a servant in the home sets an example that others can follow. I also should support and encourage in their passions and gifting. That means practicing with them, listening to them play off key, or looking at their latest creation.

It is amazing the smiles that come from being a servant and cheerleader. The people we choose to serve this way respond with joy and it fills the house! It also just feels good to be living in a home with positive reenforcement, support and encouragement.

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